It Was Dark Part 5: Slave to Myself

continued from part 4

Part 5: Slave to Myself.

I was still buzzing from last weekend. Finding it hard to concentrate at work. Finding myself thinking how I hated to be used. How I would hate to be a slave as that other man obviously was. Surprised that I could not get the thoughts out of my head.

I wanted more! I wanted much more. I wanted to feel the tight constrictive bondage and worse still I wanted to be under her control. To be in her power. To be her slave! Oh hell, were did that thought come from. What has she done to me?

I had cleaned up the house. Removed the winch over my bed. Packed away the Sleepsack, the Catsuit, the straight jacket, the diapers and the plastic pants. I wanted to chuck it all out, however I could not bring myself to do so. So there they were in the back of the cupboard. Waiting, waiting for what? I did not want to touch them, but still they tempted me. I wanted to feel them, run them through my hands. Wear them again. They were testing me by just being there. Part of me hated them and the power they had over me. Part of me could not live without them.

All week the argument in my head went on. All week I would find myself fantasizing. On Friday at lunch time I even found myself in a sex shop browsing through the latex and PVC garments. Lost in my own thoughts. Wondering what each piece of clothing would feel like on my supersensitive body. How it would hold me in its hot sweaty embrace. I was so lost in the fantasy I was late back at work.

When I got there Jean the receptionist nearly leaped at me. “Were have you been.” “John is looking all over for you”.

OH SHIT, It suddenly hit me, this afternoon was my performance review and I was 15 minutes late.

I raced up stairs to the conference room. There they were waiting for me and none too happy by the looks on their faces. In the past it had been simple, just John (my boss) and me. This year the rules had changed. Now there had to be somebody from Human Resources and a peer from another department as well as John. That was supposed to make it more fair and above board.

John and I get along fine, Mike from accounts is Ok and we occasionally have a beer together, but Ms Ringburg was another matter altogether. She was the head of Human Resources and was known to be very strict and hard to approach. Nobody even knew her first name. She was Ms Ringburg to everybody and look out if you broke the rules, she would be down on you like a ton of bricks.

She was also a high flyer and a power dresser. Everybody knew she was somebody and was going up. She seemed to have power over everybody even the top management.

So why the heck was she at my performance review? Why the heck did I have to pick this time to be late???

I apologised for being late without making any excuses. Mostly because I could not think of any that made any sense.

We got off to a great start with John singing my praises. Ms Ringburg it seems had other ideas and steered the subject onto my failings. She did it gently by asking me where I thought I could improve. I made a total hash of it and kept digging up shit on myself. I could not seem to stop it. She just asked the right questions at exactly the wrong moment. Even John was looking at me in a new light. Mike was seeing me with new eyes and even I was thinking maybe I should be sacking myself.

In the end it was over and I still had a job if only just. I went dejectedly back to my office with John and the others in deep conversation.

Back in my office, I tried to get on with some work, it did not happen. I kept going back to the review. What was happening there?

Some time later Mike dropped in. “Sorry about that” he said. “She either has it in for you or she is using you to make herself look great.”

“It’s Ok” I said. “John will stand up for me.”

“Don’t bet on it” said Mike.

When he left I felt even worse. Anyway there is work to before I could go home and it is getting late.

It was just past knock off time when she strutted into my office without even knocking. In her hand was large brown envelope. She thrust it at me with a glare.

I opened it. OH SHIT. Inside were photos of me in the Catsuit masturbating. I must have turned beetroot red. Guilt all over my face.

There was also a photo of a young women tied spread eagled on a bed, naked and gagged. There were bruises all over her body.

She looked terrified. She looked as if she was about to be raped. In the edge of the photo was a man in a blue Catsuit. It was not me but it looked like me. Shit it could be me! I would not even have known they did it.

Where do I know that women. OH HELL she worked here in Human Resources. Rumour has she simply did not turn up for work and was never heard from again, except for a typed letter saying she had resigned because of a fellow employee.

Hang on that was months ago. Nothing to do with me.

What was going on here? I tried to explain, however I could see from her face she did not believe a word I said. Come to think of I would not believe it if I heard it.

She looked at me with daggers in her eyes.
“The company will next week be offering redundancy packages. I have your paperwork with me. Sign here” She demanded.

I tried to think of any way out of this. There was none.

In a state of total shock I signed.

“It is company policy that redundant or sacked employees leave immediately and don’t re-enter the building or contact other employees. Pack up your things and leave NOW” she ordered.

“NOW or I call security and let them know why you are leaving.”

I looked around the office. There was my jacket and just a few books. Everything else including the laptop and the phone were company issue.

I grabbed the jacket and ignored the books and left with my tail between my legs. I got to the door and remembered the photos. One look and I knew I was not getting them.

She followed me down stairs and made a point of relieving me of my security badge. “He won’t be back she told them.” as she handed in the badge.

Rose it had to be Rose. Rose had just destroyed my job, my reputation, my whole life.

I felt like going and getting drunk and was halfway to the bar before I realised it was Friday night and likely all my ex workmates where there. Instead I slunk off home.

………

Home should be were you are safe. It should be your castle, your defence against the world.

Mine I soon realised had been invaded. Sitting smugly on the kitchen table was a plain brown cardboard box.

In anger I smashed it across the room. Then fear and guilt over came me. Were they watching? Did they know what I was doing? Did she know what she had done to me? How well her plan had worked.

I sat and cried. Sobbed for what seemed like hours. Poured myself a stiff drink and waited for the inevitable message.

Message, there would be none. She had always used my mobile. The now ex company mobile or sent me an email at the ex company email address.

Oh shit Ms high flying Ringburg has my mobile and my computer! What had I left on there? What had Rose sent to me that I did not even know about?

Panic set in, blind cold, shaking, shivering panic. It took a long while to settle down before I realised the worse she could do was report me to my boss and have me sacked. She had done that already.

I sat their stupefied, numb, no idea what to do, just staring at a large brown box. Too scared to open, it too scared not to.

Eventually curiosity won and I gingerly opened it and looked inside.

Under a piece of tissue paper was a thick black rubber blindfold. Under another piece of tissue paper was a large bright red ball gag. Under that were two pairs of purple plastic bloomers. Adult size in plastic bags that read incontinence pants. Under that was a large electrically powered vibrator. Magic Wand it was labelled.

There was a note tucked in the side of the box. “Some toys to have fun with. Rose” was all it said.

I looked at it all spread out on the table and waited for the inevitable to happen.

……

Nothing happened. Eventually late that night half drunk I went to bed exhausted.
I slept fitfully. Too many worries to be able to sleep. Got up about 4 am and went down to the kitchen to get a hot drink.

There they were just lying innocently on the table as I had left them. I can’t leave them there somebody may see them. I picked them up. The bloomers draped over my hand. They felt soft sort of comforting. In a daze I found my self putting them on. It just sort of felt the right thing to do.

They were a tight fit, caressing my manhood, exciting him, making him start to get erect. The bloomers and I both started to get steamed up. I forgot the drink and taking the other stuff went back to bed.

Most of the stuff I put in the cupboard except the blindfold. Not being able to see my problems was maybe just what I need. I climbed into a lonely bed, turned off the light and put on the thick black rubber blindfold. It was dark, very dark, inky black dark and somehow it felt Ok to be in total darkness. In that black darkness I relaxed and drifted of to sleep.

I awoke to a pitch black room covered in sweat having had a really powerful erotic dream about a very tall powerful sexual woman who so excited me my only desire was to serve her. I lay there in the darkness savouring the moment. Then I remembered yesterday and what a bitch that Ms Ringburg was. That broke the spell and I reached up and pulled of the blindfold.

Light blinding, light burst into my eyes, the sun was well up and shining in my window.

I got up and it was only when in the shower that the bloomers became apparent. I had forgotten all about them. They were drenched in sweat and …come… That must have been a beauty of a dream. I cleaned them up (…savouring the feel of the supple plastic…) and hung them up to dry. Why do they feel so good?

For some strange reason they made me feel better or was it the dream. I dressed, breakfasted and sat there wondering where my life was going. No job, no income, no future, no life. Stop, this is getting me nowhere. It’s just getting me depressed.

I need to do something. I read somewhere the best way out of depression is to do something. OK something simple. I will clean up the house. No too much. Well what about cleaning out the closet.

I start with old clothes I have not worn for years, shoes that should go, old junk of my ex wife that I definitely do not want. It all went out.

Then hidden under an old track suit my hand found it. Caressed it pulled it gently, sexually out of the pile. The blue PVC Catsuit felt unbelievably sensual as I ran it over my hand.

I could not resist it. I stripped off and it sort of flowed over my body, snuggling itself into place, exciting me with its tight embrace. I stood in front of the mirror looking at my form. Admiring the flow of my body as it moved.

I left it on rejoicing in its sensual feel. I found all the other items in the closet and one by one took them out. The straight jacket was essentially useless without somebody to put me in it and hopefully let me out again. Likewise the sleep sack, who was going to zip me up and unzip me in the morning?

The hood I could use. I tried it on. Black darkness descended on me as I zipped it up sending shivers up my spine. I kept it on for a few minutes standing there in the dark. It was too much it had to come off. Laying down I could take it. Standing up left me spinning out and in danger of falling.

Next in the pile were the plastic pants and the adult diapers. Out they would go. They would not humiliate me again!  They were on their way to the scrap pile when I suddenly thought maybe they are necessary. Somewhere in my mind was the need to be in tight restrictive bondage … the Sleepsack… or … mummified… If I had that I would feel.

I would feel safe and alive. But how to do it?

Ask and it is given. My hand found the remote control for the winch and under that the winch itself. I had never used the remote. When I was in the sack somebody else used a remote. Did this one work? Could I use it?

I set it up again over the bed. Plugged it in and pressed the close button, nothing. I tried the open button. The winch moved and would have pulled the zipped up locking me in. It went all the way and stopped by itself.

I pressed the close button. The winch reversed and would have opened the zip. Strange the controls where back to front, but they worked.

I put the sleep sack on the bed, put the remote and my right arm in the internal sleeve and tried again. Backwards and forwards went the winch. Hey this could just work. Strong powerful feelings of anticipation and then fear overwhelmed me. I could not wait to try it and at the same time part of me was saying watch out “you may not be able to get out.” Hummm need to look at that. What sort of safe guards could I set up? Oh easy I just put a knife, a box cutter with a retractable blade in my other hand then I can easily cut my way out. No worries.

I was getting carried away and about to get in the sack when I looked at the time. Midday, a strange time to go to bed and I was hungry. Later it had better be at bed time. Could I stand the anticipation? I was halfway down the stairs when I noticed all the downstairs curtains were open and I was in full view of the neighbours in a sexy blue plastic cat suit. Oops.

Back up stairs. Reluctant to take it off. I did not want to be seen by who ever was passing by. Frustrated I slipped it off and throw it on the bed right next to the now dry plastic bloomers. Oh now there is an idea. I slip them on. Not as satisfying as the Catsuit but better than nothing. Then the rest of my clothes and down stairs I go.

Lunch disappears in a flash. My mind focuses on the night time adventure to come. Back up stairs, close the curtains in all the rooms and back to the bedroom to get ready for tonight. I can’t wait. Then I spy the other things Rose sent me. Time to investigate.

The ball gag goes in and buckles up tight. Then there is the vibrator. They had used one on me. Maybe not as powerful as this one. I had never owned one or used one on myself. Where does one start?

I plugged it in and turned it on. My nipples loved it, my balls groaned in sensual delight and I could only keep it on my penis for a few seconds before I felt like exploding. I stopped picked up the blindfold and used it to take away my sight.

Back to the vibrator. It felt like it had grown bigger or more powerful and I was soon forced to lie down as the sensations and the disorientations were way too much as was the stimulation as I burst into an explosive orgasm. I had to stop the vibrator. It was way too much.

I also had to take another shower as I was very sweaty and the bloomers were again covered in come.  I was about to get dressed when the Catsuit caught my eye. That simply has to go on!

Before I did that I put on my dressing gown and went down stairs and closed the curtains on the windows that people could see into. That done I went up and put the Catsuit on. Feeling very guilty and very sexy at the same time. I could not wait for bed time to come and ended up going to bed at a ridiculously early hour.

I dressed in a diaper and the plastic pants, remembering Rose's advice not to make a mess. Then the Catsuit with its hood zipped up tight. Then into the sack feet first, connect the zipper to the winch, slide the remote down the right hand sleeve and the box cutter down the left side. Turn off the light. Pull the hood on and zip it up. Lie back and get used to the black darkness. Slip my arms down the sleeves. Find the remote and the box cutter. Find the buttons on the remote and hesitate. I am breathing hard and fast near panic, about to really put myself in very tight bondage for the first time ever.

I just lay there. Do I, don’t I, should I, shouldn’t I? If I hesitate any longer I know I will chicken out, so I press firmly on the button. Nothing happens. I try again, nothing, again. Oh shit wrong button! This thing is reversed. I push again, there is a whirr and the zipper closes the sack around me. Compressing me in its tight embrace.

A bit of panic sets in. Can I get out? I try the box cutter and find to my dismay that it is upside down. The knob, which extends the blade, is up near my wrist totally out of reach. More panic and struggle against the sack. It holds me tight. I am totally stuck, angry at my stupidity. Stuck in the Dark, held tightly in an inescapable sleep sack, caressed by PVC and of all things wearing a diaper. That is so ridiculous it makes me laugh. The laughter kills the panic and I realise how stupid I really am. I am not stuck I still have the remote control. So long as it works I am fine.

I settle back and relax. The sensory deprivation soon has me drifting off to who knows where.

I come back to consciousness a few times once to pee and once in a state of panic having forgotten where I was and struggling to escape and wondering why I was blind.

When I finally came back to full awareness I had no idea what time it was. I was however stiff and very hungry so maybe it is time to get up. I press the button. Nothing, fucking nothing, happened. Again and again I pushed it.  NO, NO NO, I don’t want to be stuck here for ever.

Eventually I collapse in a heap of despair. Then and only then does my rational logical mind take over. “Push the other button” it said.

Oh fucking shit! I push it, there is the whirr, and there goes the zip. I am free, shaking, shivering, sobbing with release, but free.

Would I do it again? I don’t know how I could not do it.

I am a prisoner of my own mind!

 

18.01.12