It Shouldn't Happen to a Mummy!

Just a little story that happened to me some years ago and seems funny when I look back on it now, But at the time I was hoping the floor would open up and swallow me.

I had just finished my night shift at the local hospital; it was the weekend, 8 AM. I had looked forward to being mummified all week long. I walked in the house Len my partner had just got up and was having breakfast, I called across I am just going to have a shower then we can start, he blew me a kiss and I went to the shower room.

After a great relaxing shower I slipped down to the kitchen where a cup of coffee was waiting for me. Len was making himself busy; he had erected two trestles and placed the new body board with the new foam base on top. He was now fetching in the two boxes of bandages, rolls of tape and a few other bits and pieces, when he had finished I took off my robe and lay on the soft foam of the body board. The board was slightly longer than me and had a step at one end that my feet pressed against, Len then proceeded to wrap each toe and finger in cotton wool, not a word was spoken I just lay there and relaxed while Len got on with the job.

After a while Len finished the fingers and toes, he placed foam strips between my legs and between my arms and body to stop the skin touching, he then taped my feet lightly to the step. Then started up the body about every six inches and above and below each joint binding my body to the body board. The tape is not tight but eliminates all movement, He had just completed the neck and forehead and had just inserted the breathing tube and taped it in place, and the time was now about ten o'clock.

At that moment I am sure I heard his heart miss a beat and I heard the words "Oh my God!!! Your mother is here!"

I do not think he knew what his intentions were at that moment but he picked up the body board with me attached and seemed to run around the room several times like a headless chicken. I then heard my mothers voice calling from the back of the house. "Hello there, its me are you in?" (I wish I wasn't I thought).

At that point Len dumped me behind the three piece settee on the floor, I know Len's heart must have been working in overdrive, but mine was going like a steam hammer by this time. I was in my birthday suit tied to a wooden board lying on the floor behind the furniture and my mother at this point had come in via the back door and was in the front room.

"Good morning Len. I thought I would call early and surprise you, where is Jenny?" There are no words that could describe my thought at that moment.

"Oh Jenny, she is rather tied up at work at the moment!" I could have killed him for trying to be funny.

"Oh" said my mum, "Her car is outside!!"

Len stumbling for words, "It wouldn't start last night."

"Ok then I will just have a cup of tea then I will have to start my shopping."

"Would you like it in the kitchen?" said Len!

"No I am quite happy sitting here." Less than three foot from where I lay, Len made the tea in about two seconds flat when he walked back into the room, my mother asked what are all these rolls of bandage here for, Len looked at the bandages thought for a moment and said, "I am going to lag the water pipes in the loft with them."

My mother seemed to talk for ages, telling Len how she brought me up not to do anything wrong, to go to Sunday school and not to do any of these silly things that you read about in the papers and that's why Jenny is what she is today,

At that point I heard the clock strike eleven o'clock. "Oh well, I will have to go and do the shopping or I will never get it done at this rate." Up she got and disappeared as fast as she had arrived. I heard Len come back in after waving her off, and then I heard him lock the back door. He came in and collapsed on the floor by my side, he had tears in his eyes I don't know to this day if they were tears of fear or relief.

After Len dragged me back to the centre of the room and struggled to lift me and the board back on the trestles. It took about another half hour to complete the mummification. Len then moved me into a small linen room next to the kitchen where I could rest for the next ten hours without being disturbed. And if my mum did call back Len could honestly say, "Oh, Jenny is sleeping at the moment" Needless to say we never leave a door unlocked any more.

Even though I have never met or talked to any one else who is into Mummification I am sure there must be stories out the even funnier than mine. But one has to remember it is only funny looking back, it was hell at the time. Thank you Gromet for your page, I now realize that like space there is some one like me out there somewere, and our home world is Gromet's Page

I have a second story of an accident we had once, that was funny in a dangerous sort of way, but I will wait and see what sort of reception this first story gets as this is the first time any one other than Len knows about our hobby.

18.05.01